Whether we think living there is a good idea or not, most of the other kingdoms we’ve discussed have their pros and cons. The next kingdom, though? The cons far outweigh anything you could possibly glean as a pro. From rotting swordswomen to noble cannibalism, of course we’re talking about The Lands Between.
Before your adventure in Elden Ring begins, the Lands Between have already gone through quite a lot of ruin and collapse. So living there in any of the castles left standing? Not great.
Woe is The Elden Lords
Let’s break down all your options for a liege lord. Marika, as a ruler and a god, is far more interested in conducting lineage experiments over making a pleasant place for her people to live — Radagon is the exact same. Meanwhile, Queen Rennala neglects the sanity and well-being of her mages in favor of crying and clutching an egg because the divorce went poorly. If you ever have the misfortune of meeting Godrick, he’s quite likely to graft you and several other locals together into a disgusting spider body. Similarly, Rykard’s goal is to make a disgusting creature out of his own body. Then there’s Ranni, far too busy with her moon schemes.
Even Kenneth Haught, an otherwise minor player, is a coward with little ability to protect his small fort. Nepheli Loux is your best bet for a good queen, but that doesn’t happen until later in the game and you never see how her reign affects the kingdom. Who knows, maybe the warrior queen simply brings in a new age of conquering.
And don’t even get us started on Mohg.
None of the Elden Ring nobility puts the people first and The Lands Between suffer for it. This place is, unsurprisingly, overrun with monstrous constructs, unknowable mask-wearing soldiers, and wretched nightmare creatures. It’s a bit of a stretch to call what’s left of the Lands Between a kingdom at all, despite all the gorgeous ancient architecture from a sparkling civilization long gone.
If you, a real, flimsy human, find yourself in these lands of suffering, your best bet for comfortable survival would be to sit down next to Merchant Kale and accept that might be your life for the rest of forever. Because the world beyond? It is very rarely on your side.
